The beginning of the end

I'm just going to jump right in. It was March of 2011 and I had just gone through what seemed to be the hardest year of my life. I had alienated myself from my family and some of my friends. I was in a place of disappointment and misery on the inside. On the outside, well I'm sure it wasn't much better. There where nights I just layed on my bedroom floor crying because I wanted someone to see I was in pain and help me. I was so mad at everyone for not seeing I needed help. Lol. I laugh because it was not anyone's responsibility to save me....I was having a huge pity party for myself. The pain was real but I was being kind of ridiculous. (if you don't like something about your life change it. Get off the floor and do something about it!) Although I think back and see how dumb I was being, I am thankful I went through that time alone. It led me to FINALLY not looking to man for comfort and encouragement, but continually seeking God and finding it in him. I am pretty sure God was just waiting for me to say the words. His response was so fast and wonderful. Ok, I'm getting a head of myself... So earlier that week I had started talking to a Guy one of my friends thought would be good for me. He was a great guy but sitting there with him, a light kind of went off in my head. Is this my life.... Working as a nanny, hanging out with friends, going on dates....Waiting for "the one". I went home that night and sat in my apartment thinking about what my life was going to be like if I didn't change things. I did not like who I had become. A selfish person. It was all about Emily. I started crying and praying. I did not want to be this person. I knew I was created to do more than what I was settling for. I wanted to go and do missions, see Gods love and share it with people who have never had the chance to hear about Him. I knew what God had called me to do but I had no idea how I was going to do it. So that night I just asked God to start opening doors for me. I told him that I would walk through no matter the cost. The next morning I got a phone call that started this journey I'm on and encouraged me to go forward. And that is where it all started to take shape. The dream of being a missionary was becoming a reality. God's timing is perfect! I tried to do it all on my own and It was an epic fail. I hope you don't mind my honesty. And I hope you don't mind that I am still a very imperfect person. I know that I serve a God that can restore Joy, Peace and relationships. I will share the next part of my story next time. Until then, know that God has created you for great things. Don't settle for less!